Stronger

I first became aware of this song when I learned it would be featured at mile 7 of the Walt Disney World Princess Half Marathon.  What an excellent choice!  The more I hear it the more I like it.  And this past weekend, it came up in my playlist at about mile 12 of my 14 mile run.  Yep...definitely had the desired effect of keeping me going.  It kind of fits part of why I run -- because every step makes me stronger.

Hope y'all are waking up feeling great and with the strength to go out and conquer the world today!  Happy Tuesday!

My First 5K Race

If you receive these blog posts via email and the images and other included items don’t come across, you may want to go out to the actual blog to read this one. And I gave up on figuring out the formatting. It didn't import cleanly and I just don't have time to work on it anymore. There's a 14-miler waiting for me today.

Preparation and Registration

I'd been thinking about running a 5K for weeks.  In fact, not long after I decided to do the Wine & Dine Half Marathon I thought I should at least find out what the race scene is like.  It just made sense.  And a 5K was a perfect opportunity because I knew it was something I could finish.  And the registration cost for them didn’t seem to be that great in general.  Well, as long as you don’t count a Disney race.



I signed up for a 5K obstacle race in April, but that never felt quite right.  Oh sure, it would be a lot of fun and an interesting challenge.  But it’s not a straight run and that is what I’m into.  There’s just something about being out there and simply running that I just love.  So one day I got serious about looking for a 5K to try out.  I checked into the one that my son would be working with the Young Marines, but the early registration date had already passed and I wasn’t willing to spend an extra $20 just because I didn’t get my ducks in a row on a timely basis.


Oh, Daddy... you pegged it so many years ago.  If I could just get my stuff together I’d be dangerous.  Well, the world doesn’t have to worry on that account, that’s for sure!


So that race was out but I found one that was just a week later and in the same location.  And the registration fee was still reasonable -- around $22 if memory serves.  Hmmmm, small local race with reasonable registration costs and I get to reconnoiter the area and how a race is operated with the Young Marines the week before?  Sounds like a plan to me!  Clickety-clickety and a few minutes later I’m all signed up.


Wait a minute!  Did I just actually pay real live money to enter a race?  I mean, I know I can do it.  I have walked much more than 3 miles and have even run a 5K on the treadmill once. 


Once.


I’m darn near dead after I finish actually running one mile in my neighborhood and I’ve only done that twice!




Okay, okay.... calm down, Mrs. Type AAA personality.  It’ll be fine.  It’s only 3 miles.  And it doesn’t matter what your time is.  Everyone says for your first 5K to just enjoy the race. 


So I settle into an acceptance that I’m doing my first 5K on the weekend of 23 March 2012.  And I do get a bit excited about it.  I mean, I’m not worried about not finishing the race and as long as I keep in mind that it doesn’t matter what my time is, I’ll be just fine.  And for the most part I believe that. 


For the most part.


Actually, I was doing pretty good until the day before the race.  I decided to head over at lunch time to pick up my race packet.  I checked Google Maps at home and the bike shop where they were having packet pickup should only be about 15 minutes from my office.  Yeah, I can do that on lunchtime.


Until I get in the car and my phone’s Google Maps is absolutely convinced that the place I’m heading is only a few blocks from my office.  I tried pulling over to the side of the road and re-directing it a time or two.  At which time, of course, Navigation Lady’s voice keeps telling me to take left turns where there are clear road-signs indicating that such a turn would be illegal at that intersection.  As the kids say, Epic Fail, Google!  


I tell myself that I should head back to the office and just pick up my packet after work.  But no, not me.  One more time I pull over to the side of the road.  This time I tell Navigation Lady that I want to go to Lake Baldwin.  That got me there for James’ gig with the Young Marines last week so it should work.  I just hope I’m right about the bike shop we stopped in last week being the same one that has packet pickup.  It makes sense that it would be that close to the race location but remember I’m brand new at all of this and things that make sense are not always so.


So I head down to Lake Baldwin.  The idiot light for gasoline is on but I know I’ve got dozens of miles after that light comes on that I can go before running out of gas.  If there’s a gas station on the way, I’ll stop.  But I gotta get that race packet.  


Sure hope there’s somewhere to park down there so I can just jot in and get it.


I found my way to the bike shop and got my packet.  Oh there’s cool stuff I get!  Yes, the t-shirt, which I expected, but it sure does look good now that it’s mine.  And I do love all the color on it.  

Actually, all of the swag is pretty cool.  I got a reusable grocery bag, a few coupons for BOGO bowling, a coupon to a sub shop, a couple of samples of powdered sports drink … all in all a nice little “take” and definitely worth the cost of registration.  

Now all I gotta do is run the race so I can allow myself to continue to wear the t-shirt.  

Wonder if I’ll do well in the race?  No, don’t think like that Mrs. Type AAA.  If you finish the race you will have done well.  But of course, that doesn’t satisfy me.  So I continue negotiating with my inner self.  Okay, well, you’re right.  That’s not quite enough of a challenge since you already know  you will finish the race.  Okay, okay... as long as you don’t finish last.  Yeah, that’s something I can count as a win..... just don’t finish last.

Race Day

Why so nervous?  I can’t believe the knots my stomach was in.  For a little nothing neighborhood 5K?  Oh come on.  Even at the time I was telling myself that this was just stupid!  But it is what it is and I was nervous.  Like I said on Facebook, this being type AAA isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  Sometimes it’s quite unenjoyable and downright aggravating.  But it is what it is and it is who I am.  Much like gravity, I deny and/or ignore it to my peril.  


Just gotta get through the nerves.  


Somehow.


Thank God for my sons!  Both of them went to the race with me.  Poor Joey was so very sleepy.  And that was getting on my nerves.  And no, that doesn’t make any sense at all and I know it.  But I was so nervous that it was.  He did his best to perk up so as not to stress Mom.  What a good boy.  And James!  James was absolutely my rock.  He pulled an all nighter because he wanted to play his flight simulator thing so I know he had to be exhausted (confirmed when he got home and solid crashed!).  But he kept his feelings in check and just rode out the storm of Mom’s nerves with an imperturbability that reminded me so much of his father.  He’s learned to handle my extremes as well as Jim does.


Off we go!


We stopped at 7-Eleven on the way in to get some sodas for the boys and a sports drink for me.  As we neared Baldwin Park I realized we were late.  And, of course, that stressed me out even more.  The boys rode that out valiantly and jumped out of the car when we parked.  Much safer, given Mom’s current mood, not to stress her out by taking our own sweet time, they must have figured.  


Those of you who know me know what I’m like.  Can you blame them?


I went over to the table and got checked in.  They directed me over to the spot where I pick up my D-tag.  Oh wow, that’s right! I remember thinking.  This is a real race and is computer timed.  Okay, so I strap that onto my ankle like they told me to do the whole time wondering if it was going to feel weird while I was running.  Turns out I didn’t notice it at all.  


Next stop was to hit the restroom.  The boys stayed where they were near the starting line and I went and found the port-a-potties.  As I was coming out Joey was walking over to tell me they’d just announced that the race would start in about 10 minutes.  James told me the same thing when I got back over there.  Those boys take such good care of their nervous momma.


Ten minutes went by rather fast.  The next thing I know, everyone’s gathering at the starting line.  Okay, time to get my phone set up.  Oh great!  You didn’t think that through well, did you?  I’m so used to starting my music, then starting Runkeeper, then just taking off.  This time I have to get things ready but not start them until the race actually starts.  


Shut up, Mrs. Type AAA.  There’s plenty of time to do that.  I put one headphone in my ear and kept the other one hanging on my shirt so I could hear what the guy up front was talking about.  As he gave a short thing about who the race was benefitting and thanking their sponsors, I started the music and queued up Runkeeeper.


The starting horn sounds.  My feet start moving.  Here we go!


I can’t honestly say I noticed where James and Joey were at the starting gate.  I was too focused on hitting the start button on Runkeeper and listening for the prompt.  “Activity Started” Runkeeper said.  Good.  I pulled my phone holder thing up on my arm and started focusing on running.


I ran the first quarter mile no problem at all.  When I started to feel my breath getting shorter that’s when I first backed off and walked a bit.  Maybe it was that nagging witch that I share a body with telling me she didn’t want to do this, but her argument about not over-expending my energy at the beginning of a race was sound enough that it made sense.  Very soon I found myself settling into a rhythm of running for a bit and then walking and just going back and forth between the two.  Yes, I did notice when the people around me were running and walking, although I lost track of some of them during the race and cannot honestly tell you whether they fell behind me or pulled off in front of me.


There was one pair of runners that I remember seeing most of the race.  It was kind of like when you’re on a road trip and end up recognizing a particular car you’ve been travelling with for the past hundred miles.  But at the time I’m not really thinking about who else is running the race.  At the time it’s just me out there.  


Me looking for the markers and volunteers that denote the path of the race.  


Me listening to the music and letting the beat and pace take me over.  


Me running when I can and walking when I feel I have to.  


Me knowing at the time that I could push myself a bit harder, but not exactly sure how much to push myself so I can finish the race respectably.  


Me dreaming about placing well in my age division, but trying to tell myself that it’s just not a reasonable expectation for your first race.


I remember asking one volunteer at about the two mile mark if I was last and being so gratified when she said I wasn’t.  


I don’t remember a whole lot else about the race.  There were random thoughts crossing through my mind which is one of the things I like most when running.  And every now and again I’d bring to the forefront what I was actually doing and would again argue with myself about how hard to push.  But mostly it was just me and the road.


I do remember when the Runkeeper prompt told me I’d gone 1.5 miles.  The halfway mark is always an achievement of sorts.  It always gives me reason to tell myself that if I just keep going and don’t let up, I’ll be done in as long as it’s taken me to get to that point.  


I also remember when Runkeeper told me I was at 2.75 miles.  Not long after that, I saw the finish line.  Then I saw a red t-shirt and black shorts and remember thinking that was James (I’d forgotten he wore his camo pants).  I had already planned to finish strong and knowing my boys were at the finish line waiting for me made me kick it into high gear.  I ran with everything I had!


I’ve run on the treadmill like that one time. Sometime last week I decided to kick it up to six mile per hour on the treadmill and felt I was running flat out.  That’s how I crossed the finish line -- flat out!  And watching the timing clock the entire time as I neared and crossed the finish line.  Okay, that’s respectable enough, I remember thinking.  


There were volunteers there congratulating me and that felt great!  But the very, very best thing about crossing the finish line was seeing my boys there and getting hugs from them.  


I did it!  I did it!!!!!  


I was so excited when I finished that I forgot to turn off Runkeeper.  When I finally remembered I grabbed my phone to shut it off.  I remember the prompts right before I finished said my pace was about 11:30 minutes per mile.  By the time I shut it off, Runkeeper had recorded my pace at 11:56 minutes per mile.   Oh well... so it’s not a perfect record of what I did.  That’s okay, I know the truth.


The volunteers said the awards ceremony would be at around 8:30.  I had already planned to stay for it.  And I’d already warned the boys so they knew.  So that means we had about a half hour to stand around. 


I was getting nervous again wondering if my time were enough to let me place in the race.  It wasn’t entirely unreasonable because there weren’t all that many participants.  It was possible.


Finally the awards ceremony started and they started announcing the top three finishers in each age division starting with the oldest.  By the time they got down to the 45-49 year old females I was quite anxious.  A small number of participants plus a large number of age groups means there’s a chance that I would be listed as one of the top three.  Not very likely, mind you, but enough to hope for. 


When they got to my age group and called the three names to come to the front, I was one of them!  Turns out I took third place!!!!!!!!!  

The lady that took 2nd place remembered me telling her before the race that it was my first and congratulated me heartily.  I smiled and told her there were probably only three people in the age division.  Honestly, that’s what made the most sense to me.


Until I got a chance to look at the results.  There were actually six of us in the age division.

So I did win!  I didn’t place by default!  I actually did well enough to truly place third!  Not only was I smiles all afternoon (if I’d let someone take a picture of me yesterday afternoon you could put it in a dictionary next to the word “happy”), but I wore my medal all day.  What the heck, I figured, I’m not going out anywhere anyway.  


Every now and again thoughts would come about how I could have pushed myself harder and done better.  There’s that Type AAA personality again.  But I quickly decided that I deserved an entire day to feel absolutely elated before I decided what the next step was going to be.  And boy did I feel elated all day long!!!!!

Moving Foward

So now it’s the next morning and I have some decisions to make.  There’s no question that I’ll be entering more 5K races.  I can justify that easily.  They’re great practice for being in the race environment and preparing myself for November’s Wine & Dine.  And a $20’ish entry fee I can view as just the price of the t-shirt.  Heaven knows I’ve paid as much and more for Disney t-shirts, Trek con t-shirts and Scouting t-shirts over the years.  And none of them fit anymore so I need new t-shirts anyway

So I’ll definitely be doing more 5Ks.

The question now is -- do I want more medals.  There’s no doubt that part of my elation came from winning.  Surprise, surprise, right?  This is me we’re talking about.  But I also am realistic enough to know that part of the reason I won yesterday was because it was a small race.  Could I win a bigger race?  Abso-freakin’-lutely I could!  If -- and this is a big if -- if I am willing to put in the work and training required to be a winner.

Let’s put it this way.  In yesterday’s race, just about everyone that entered got a medal.  Not quite everyone, mind you.  I know some people didn’t.  But... given the small number of participants and the large number of medals given, just about everyone that entered got a medal.  In a bigger race with more participants I know it won’t be that way.  If I want a medal I’ll have to actually work to earn it.  And that means putting in the miles in training.  

Do I want it that bad?

I haven’t decided yet.  I’m going to have to think that one through carefully.  I know I have the obsessive personality that could carry me through the training.  But I also know that witch that I share a body with is just as good as I am at finding justifications for what she wants and she does NOT like to have to work for things.  Remember, this is that same witch that got so very spoiled in high school when she managed to make good grades with such little effort that she could sit in front of the tv and do her homework if she happened not to like the commercial that was on.  

She is NOT going to have to like the work required to actually do well in a bigger race. 

But if I could conquer her..........

Hmmmm, Daddy was right about getting myself together.  But what if I could?  If I could get myself together and defeat my own shortcomings, I wonder just how far I could go?

Courage

It's a good thing it's Wordless Wednesday because I only have time to get this graphic up and then I gotta go work out.

And for those receiving this blog via email who can't see the graphic, it's a quote that says "Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.  They somehow already know what you truly want to become." -- Steve Jobs

Y'all have a great day!

My First Look at Wine & Dine Course

I know... Wednesdays are supposed to be wordless.  But that's just too bad!  My blog, my rules.

I just got my first look today at the course for the Wine & Dine Half Marathon that I'll be running in November.

Oooooh.... I get to run through three Disney parks!!!!!  The course starts at the Wide World of Sports complex and runs up Osceola Parkway to Animal Kingdom.  In there I'll run around the Tree of Life and by Expedition Everest.  Then out of that park and back up Osceola Parkway to the Studios where I'll pass by the Tower of Terror.  Then it's out of the Studios and around the Boardwalk and finishing up just outside of Epcot.

After the race it'll be time to enjoy the feeling of elation and accomplishment with my three favorite men in the world by my side!  And if the princes want to split off and do their own thing, that'll be just fine because I'll have the one and only King Charming with me.

Oooooh, I can't wait!!!!

So much for a "wordless" Wednesday, huh?

Oh Mickey

No, not that Mickey.

I only have a moment this morning as I'm hurridly getting ready for work.  But I didn't want to forget to share a song for Tuesday Tunes.  Today's song is "Mickey" by Toni Basil.  I've always liked this song ever since it came out.  And right now it's perfect -- it has a perfect beat for my current pace and sounds somewhat athletic (or maybe I'm just remembering the video).  And it reminds me of high school when everything was easier and somehow that makes it easier for me to continue to whatever goal is next.  Also, it reminds me of November when I'll be completing my first half-marathon with my main mouse, Mickey.

Speaking of which, registration for the Wine & Dine Half Marathon opens today so I guess I'll be checking the site fairly often to see how quickly it's filling up.  Once I've registered then it's gonna get really, really real.  No way I'm gonna spend all that money on registration and NOT finish the race and get my medal!

Enjoy!

Choices

As you know, I managed to do another mile running this weekend.  There was a stretch there I wasn't sure I was gonna make it.  My body was screaming at me to stop but my mind told me to keep going.  Funny, I think, that I found this graphic on Facebook yesterday.  It's totally right.  If I can tell the difference between the message from my mind and the message from my body, and then choose to listen to my mind, there's absolutely nothing I cannot do.

I may not be able to do it today, mind you.  But I know that the ability will come because I keep choosing to take steps towards that goal.  I keep choosing to listen to my mind and making my body tag along.

Running - It's What I Do

I sooooo wasn't feeling up to a run yesterday.

Wait, that's not quite right.

It wasn't that I wasn't feeling up to it.  I just didn't want to do it.  Physically I felt fine.  Maybe a little hungry since it was already 10:30'ish and I hadn't gotten around to having breakfast.  And maybe a little sleepy.  But I didn't feel bad or anything.  I just didn't feel like running.  It would be so much easier to just be lazy and enjoy the rest of the morning.  But I knew I wanted to get another fully-run mile in this weekend.  And I knew I had plans for Sunday so the best day to get it in was Saturday.  So I dutifully laced on my sneakers, started my app, and hit the road.

Before I got to the end of the block my legs started asking me why we were doing this.  By the time I made the first turn my legs were telling me we weren't going to be able to finish.  By the time I got to the lake my lungs were also asking what was up.  As we went around the lake they too threatened to quit.  As we neared the end of the lake circling part of the run my whole body was in rebellion and telling me that it would be okay to walk the rest of it.  The whole time I'm telling my body we're not going to quit.  As we jogged down the last couple of blocks before the turn home it was a constantly repeated mantra -- "don't quit, don't give in, keep going."

As we turned the corner for the last two blocks home, that rebellious body of mine that wanted to quit was both threatening a complete shutdown if we didn't stop this insane activity.  No need to keep doing this, it told me with every step.  You proved last week that you can do this and there's nothing to prove again.

Oh yes there is.  I'm not quitting, I told it.  I'm not living another evening with that feeling of having given up.  It's only another 2 tenths of a mile... another tenth and a half.... another tenth.  About that time I wished I'd set my app to let me know every minute how far I'd gone instead of every two minutes.  I wished I had that encouragement of hearing that I was getting closer more often.  But I knew every step brought me closer to my goal and that I could make it if I could just make myself keep going.

Oh what a wall.

Oh how I wanted to quit, to just walk, to let my lungs pull in a complete breath easily instead of gasping for every breath I got.

Not much further now.  I could see the house and knew even without Runkeeper's encouragement that I was closing in.

Finally!  Finally the app told me I'd done 1.01 miles.  Immediately I gave in to my screaming legs and gasping lungs and started walking.  I think it took me like ten minutes or more before I could again breathe completely easily.

But the feeling of elation overpowered everything.  I did it!

I didn't really feel like doing it but I made myself get out there and run a mile.  It's only a mile.  It's really not that far or that big a deal.  But it is to me because I made myself do it.  I didn't quit and I didn't give in.  Translated to the rest of my life, that's a powerful realization.  I am NOT a quitter.  No matter the circumstances or the challenges faced I can meet and overcome them all.

I am a runner.  Challenges are just what I do.

(thanks to Facebooks I <3 To Run for the graphic)

Friday Again - Finally!

Woo hooo!  It's finally Friday again.  This has been a week full of ups and downs, both personally and professionally.  But then again, that's what they call life, right?

Tonight James and I might try heading out to do kareoke again.  Sooner or later we're going to hit the perfect storm when we can get there and when the kareoke guy is there.  It's bound to happen.  And I joined a new Meetup.com group of people who like walking at Disney.  There's a walk scheduled for Sunday starting at the Wilderness Lodge and walking over to the campground.  Sounds like it could be fun and a great way to meet some local Disney folks.

So yes, my weekend's getting a bit busy.  But that's good, right?  I can recover on Monday when I get snapped back to reality.

Hope y'all have a great weekend!

T'Bitch is Back!

I had a couple of things happen today that show me I'm definitely running towards something.  Since I have to make this a short post, I'll not go into details but suffice it to say I'm feeling extremely self-confident today!  Watch out, World!  T'Bitch is back!

No Excuses

Only time for a quickie to get caught up. Just a reminder that excuses are for the weak.

I Won't Back Down

No, you didn't lose a day.  It's not Tuesday.  I'm just running about a day late.  Busy, busy, busy.  Overslept yesterday but decided I'd forego Facebook and coffee (!!!!!) so I could get to the gym.  I had a goal of increasing my pace and I met it (yay!).

Anyway, here's one of the songs that's been inspiring me lately.  I know the lyrics are "I won't blackout", but that's not what I hear.  To me this whole song is about "I won't back down".  Like the song says, this won't stop 'til I say so.

Today I Am A Runner

What a weekend!

Friday night I decided that I would do it Saturday.  I would run a whole mile without stopping and without walking.  Now, I've run 5K on the treadmill, but running on the road is different.  On the treadmill you're only picking up your feet.  The movement is the same, but since you're not actually trying to propel your body forward (instead the "road" is moving underneath you), it's a bit easier than actual road running.  Don't get me wrong; it is definitely a workout.  The sweat dripping from my temples when I run 30 minutes on the treadmill can attest to that fact.  But it is easier than actual road running.  So Saturday's goal was to run a whole mile on the road.

Saturday dawned and I had to get the kids to their doctor's checkups.  Right after that I took James to a Young Marines thing and then had time to bring Joey home and get on the computer for a little bit before it was time to go pick him up again.  When we got back home, Jim and I had to go out to the cig store and run a few more errands.  He also took me out to lunch and I ate more than I should because it was Bourbon Chicken and yummy.  When I got home again I remembered my goal.  I set out to make it but at about the halfway mark that witch that I share a body with convinced me to stop running.  I was so angry at myself!

I have wonderful friends and sisters who tried to remind me that it's not failure if I don't quit trying.  I had already decided to try again the next day (Sunday).  Some of the things they said were so wonderful and so sweet, it brought such a smile to my face.  But, as sweet as they are (and I do totally appreciate everything they said as well as the love and caring backing their words), they don't really understand me at all.  I need the negativity when I fail to meet a goal.  I NEED to kick myself in the butt for a while so I can remember the intensity of the feeling.  That helps me the next time I go for the goal.  I remember the way I felt and become more determined not to make myself feel that way again.

It worked.

On Sunday I went out to try again.  I was very strong through the first quarter mile.  I could feel myself getting tired from there through the half mile mark.  Finally, after a seeming eternity, I hit the three-quarter mile mark. It was at that point I started to think I couldn't go on any more.  If I'd planned just a bit better, I would have made sure the music wasn't on shuffle but was playing the songs in the order I'd arranged them.  But I didn't and shuffle it was.  So the song that came on at that point had totally the wrong beats per minute for my pace.    When my music's right I can focus on the rhythm and that helps me keep going.  But it wasn't right and I had a choice.... I could try to adjust the music or at least forward to the next song.  But that would have taken attention and I was giving all I had to continuing to put one foot in front of the other.  Or I could pull something from within myself regardless of the wrongness of the music.  It was at that moment that the negativity of the previous day helped.  I pulled up the memory of the feeling of the previous day.  With every step I took, with every breath I heaved, I knew I didn't want to feel that way again.  And with every thought I knew the only way to prevent that was to keep going.

And it worked!  Eventually, RunKeeper (my tracker that I have set to tell me certain info at certain points) told me I'd hit the 1 mile mark.

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!

I worked through the quit.  I busted through that wall.  And I kept going.  And I did it!!!!!  I felt so absolutely wonderful!!!!!!!!

Today, I count myself a runner.  And that feels GREAT!!!!

Happy Friday

Oh thank goodness it's finally Friday!

Of course, I'm not exactly sure why I'm glad it's Friday.  My weekends are usually busier than my weeks.  Tomorrow the boys have checkups at the doctors office and then I have to drive one way over to UCF.  But that's actually a relatively light day.  And either Saturday or Sunday I plan to see just how far I can run on the road as opposed to a treadmill.

Oh yeah -- I DID hit the 5K mark yesterday on the treadmill.  Another goal conquered!

So this weekend's not quite so busy and it's about to begin.  Hey, I might even get to sleep in a little bit.  Of course for me that means sleeping until about 6 or 7 am.

Have a great weekend, y'all!

Understand Why I Run

Before you even start reading this let me say that no, I do not plan to become an ultramarathoner.

Now, that being said, this is one of the most incredibly inspiring things I've ever seen in my life.  This guy runs ultramarathons to raise money to send fallen soldiers' kids to college.

No, I didn't know what an ultramarathon was either.  Turns out it's anything over 26.2 miles (that distance being a marathon).  Most of numbers I heard in the video were in the order of 100 to 150 miles.  And it's done as a "you have to make 150 miles within 24 hours" thing - at least they said that about one race.

As I watched this video I realized that much of what he said rang incredibly true to me.  It's like he has the perfect understanding of why I run.

"I like to see what I'm made of," he says.  Yeah, me too.  I like to set myself a specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-based goal and then see if I have the sheer grit to do whatever it takes to reach that goal.  Am I disciplined enough?  Am I driven enough?  Just exactly what can I make myself do when I have a reason to do it?

"If you can see yourself doing something you can do it.  If you can't see yourself doing it, usually you can't achieve it."  I remember my high school bandleader Mr. Mills taking us through a visualization exercise on the week before State competitions.  I've believed in the power of visualization ever since.  But to achieve something really difficult, it's not enough just to envision it.  You have to have the mental power to imagine it so strongly you can believe it and can actually see it in your mind.  Am I mentally disciplined enough to do that?  Do I have the strength of imagination to pull it off?

Yeah, when you quit you feel horrible.  When you quit on yourself you beat yourself.  Now I never did really see the sense in learning to be a good loser (sorry, Mom).  But I did understand enough to learn to hide it well enough to be socially acceptable, at least most of the time.  But deep inside it bugs me to no end to lose.  And to lose to myself?  That just tears me up.  It's one of the worst feelings I've ever had in my life.  But!  The flip side of that is when I win it is one of the absolutely most magnificent feelings I've ever had in my life.  When I reach a goal that I've set for myself I feel a soaring exhilaration like nothing else I've ever known.  Yes I was disciplined and driven enough to make my mind strong enough to order my body to do something and my body strong enough to comply.

"I'm never happy and satisified with one thing I do.  It's always gonna be a continuous journey."  Oh that's definitely me!  Now that I've reached the top of that mountain and proven myself able to overcome whatever obstacles got in the way, I find myself wondering what kind of obstacles are on that taller peak and can I overcome them too?  I know I can, but only if I have the courage to take on the mountain and the strength and stamina to give it my very utmost.  I can do anything I set my mind to!

So please watch this video if want to at least begin to understand why I run.  Or ..... you know, you could come running with me?  Don't worry, I'm not training for an ultramarathon.

I can't see that mountain at all.

Yet.

Versus Myself

"I do not try to dance better than anyone else.  I only try to dance better than myself." -- Mikhail Baryshikov

I only have time for a short note this morning as I have to get to the gym on time today.  Can't be late because the goal I've set for myself this morning is going to take about ten minutes longer at running than I have been doing.  But if I make it........ Oh, I do love that feeling of accomplishment when I set a goal and achieve it!  What will come after I conquer this mountain?  Oh I've seen the tips of a few others that I plan to reach the peak on.  But first I have to concentrate this morning on getting to the top of this one.

I'll let y'all know later on if I make it or not.

Wait.

Scratch that.

I'll let y'all know later on WHEN I make it.