Wait, that's not quite right.
It wasn't that I wasn't feeling up to it. I just didn't want to do it. Physically I felt fine. Maybe a little hungry since it was already 10:30'ish and I hadn't gotten around to having breakfast. And maybe a little sleepy. But I didn't feel bad or anything. I just didn't feel like running. It would be so much easier to just be lazy and enjoy the rest of the morning. But I knew I wanted to get another fully-run mile in this weekend. And I knew I had plans for Sunday so the best day to get it in was Saturday. So I dutifully laced on my sneakers, started my app, and hit the road.
Before I got to the end of the block my legs started asking me why we were doing this. By the time I made the first turn my legs were telling me we weren't going to be able to finish. By the time I got to the lake my lungs were also asking what was up. As we went around the lake they too threatened to quit. As we neared the end of the lake circling part of the run my whole body was in rebellion and telling me that it would be okay to walk the rest of it. The whole time I'm telling my body we're not going to quit. As we jogged down the last couple of blocks before the turn home it was a constantly repeated mantra -- "don't quit, don't give in, keep going."
As we turned the corner for the last two blocks home, that rebellious body of mine that wanted to quit was both threatening a complete shutdown if we didn't stop this insane activity. No need to keep doing this, it told me with every step. You proved last week that you can do this and there's nothing to prove again.
Oh yes there is. I'm not quitting, I told it. I'm not living another evening with that feeling of having given up. It's only another 2 tenths of a mile... another tenth and a half.... another tenth. About that time I wished I'd set my app to let me know every minute how far I'd gone instead of every two minutes. I wished I had that encouragement of hearing that I was getting closer more often. But I knew every step brought me closer to my goal and that I could make it if I could just make myself keep going.
Oh what a wall.
Oh how I wanted to quit, to just walk, to let my lungs pull in a complete breath easily instead of gasping for every breath I got.
Not much further now. I could see the house and knew even without Runkeeper's encouragement that I was closing in.
Finally! Finally the app told me I'd done 1.01 miles. Immediately I gave in to my screaming legs and gasping lungs and started walking. I think it took me like ten minutes or more before I could again breathe completely easily.
But the feeling of elation overpowered everything. I did it!
I didn't really feel like doing it but I made myself get out there and run a mile. It's only a mile. It's really not that far or that big a deal. But it is to me because I made myself do it. I didn't quit and I didn't give in. Translated to the rest of my life, that's a powerful realization. I am NOT a quitter. No matter the circumstances or the challenges faced I can meet and overcome them all.
I am a runner. Challenges are just what I do.
(thanks to Facebooks I <3 To Run for the graphic)
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