What a weekend!
Friday night I decided that I would do it Saturday. I would run a whole mile without stopping and without walking. Now, I've run 5K on the treadmill, but running on the road is different. On the treadmill you're only picking up your feet. The movement is the same, but since you're not actually trying to propel your body forward (instead the "road" is moving underneath you), it's a bit easier than actual road running. Don't get me wrong; it is definitely a workout. The sweat dripping from my temples when I run 30 minutes on the treadmill can attest to that fact. But it is easier than actual road running. So Saturday's goal was to run a whole mile on the road.
Saturday dawned and I had to get the kids to their doctor's checkups. Right after that I took James to a Young Marines thing and then had time to bring Joey home and get on the computer for a little bit before it was time to go pick him up again. When we got back home, Jim and I had to go out to the cig store and run a few more errands. He also took me out to lunch and I ate more than I should because it was Bourbon Chicken and yummy. When I got home again I remembered my goal. I set out to make it but at about the halfway mark that witch that I share a body with convinced me to stop running. I was so angry at myself!
I have wonderful friends and sisters who tried to remind me that it's not failure if I don't quit trying. I had already decided to try again the next day (Sunday). Some of the things they said were so wonderful and so sweet, it brought such a smile to my face. But, as sweet as they are (and I do totally appreciate everything they said as well as the love and caring backing their words), they don't really understand me at all. I need the negativity when I fail to meet a goal. I NEED to kick myself in the butt for a while so I can remember the intensity of the feeling. That helps me the next time I go for the goal. I remember the way I felt and become more determined not to make myself feel that way again.
It worked.
On Sunday I went out to try again. I was very strong through the first quarter mile. I could feel myself getting tired from there through the half mile mark. Finally, after a seeming eternity, I hit the three-quarter mile mark. It was at that point I started to think I couldn't go on any more. If I'd planned just a bit better, I would have made sure the music wasn't on shuffle but was playing the songs in the order I'd arranged them. But I didn't and shuffle it was. So the song that came on at that point had totally the wrong beats per minute for my pace. When my music's right I can focus on the rhythm and that helps me keep going. But it wasn't right and I had a choice.... I could try to adjust the music or at least forward to the next song. But that would have taken attention and I was giving all I had to continuing to put one foot in front of the other. Or I could pull something from within myself regardless of the wrongness of the music. It was at that moment that the negativity of the previous day helped. I pulled up the memory of the feeling of the previous day. With every step I took, with every breath I heaved, I knew I didn't want to feel that way again. And with every thought I knew the only way to prevent that was to keep going.
And it worked! Eventually, RunKeeper (my tracker that I have set to tell me certain info at certain points) told me I'd hit the 1 mile mark.
I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!
I worked through the quit. I busted through that wall. And I kept going. And I did it!!!!! I felt so absolutely wonderful!!!!!!!!
Today, I count myself a runner. And that feels GREAT!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment